Tight A$$ Tuesdays: Spaghetti Carbonara

This is the meal I turn out when there is no food in the house, no cash in the bank, or no energy left in my tank. Cheap. Fast. Easy. The ingredients are basic pantry/fridge/freezer items, and the sauce can be whipped up in the time it takes the pasta to cook. Remember to keep your vegetable trimmings to make stock.

But don't let that devalue your idea of this dish! If this was served up to me as a Carbonara (it's not really a carbonara) in a restaurant, I wouldn't complain. I'd even pay for it, and order it again. This gets dished up to unexpected visitors, suddenly starving 3 year olds and boys with seemingly hollow legs. Even the removal guys who made the 18 hour trek from Victoria to Queensland with my kitchen gear were rewarded for not breaking anything with this.

I know it's not a true carbonara, no pasta puritan would 'spoil' this classic with cream, cheap wine (goon), onion, ordinary bacon (as opposed to the traditional guanciale - cured pork cheek), mushrooms, dried pasta and garlic. This disrespectful brat would though. Perhaps it should just be renamed... Anyway, here it is, and it's good.

Spaghetti not quite alla Carbonara
Serves 4

500g pasta (spaghetti and fettuccine are standards)
600ml cream
3 eggs
1 large onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
500g bacon, diced
200g mushrooms, sliced
250ml dry white wine
handful of fresh herbs - chives or parsley work well
salt and pepper
parmesan or pecorino to serve

In a large pot, bring enough salted water to the boil to allow all the pasta to move freely. Cook the pasta according to packet directions.

While pasta is cooking, whisk the egg and cream together and season with salt and plenty of freshly cracked pepper. In a pan, saute onion, garlic, mushrooms and bacon until lightly browned. Add the wine to deglaze the pan and cook until most of the wine has reduced.

Drain the pasta, and add the bacon mixture to the pasta, followed by the egg mixture and fresh herbs. Toss the sauce through with tongs to evenly coat all of the pasta. The heat of the pasta should be enough to thicken the sauce and cook the egg, if not, return to a very low heat for a few seconds. It wont be thick, but will be enough to coat the pasta. Grate in as much or as little parmesan or pecorino as you like. Chow down straight away!


What else you could do:
Of course, make your own pasta! Obviously it wont be so fast, but it is SO worth it.
Use UHT cream or evaporated milk.
Add other veges - beans, peas, spring onions or whatever you have lurking in the fridge or garden.
Include some diced chicken breast or thigh, cook off in batches before the onion/bacon mix.
Double or halve the recipe to suit your family.

Note: This doesn't reheat too well. If you must reheat it, don't be tempted to use the microwave. The sauce will split and you'll have oily lumpy pasta. Blergh. Heat in a saucepan, veeeery slowly, and don't boil it.

Pimp My Blank Canvas Biscuits (cookies)

This is one of those recipes that gets down on it's hands and knees and begs to be pimped. The unadulterated biscuit dough is quite perfect as it is. It's buttery, chewy, rich and sweet - but it's plain, which is fine sometimes, for some people. But who wouldn't want to, just sometimes, revert back to the days when the thought of wallowing in large tubs of mixed lollies was your idea of a successful adult life, and childishly smoosh every kind of sweet into one biscuit? (This is the part where you tell me that you used to dream about this too, and that I am in fact, not strange. Thanks.) What I'm saying is, they can be plain jane simple, sensible biccies, or you can go absolutely OTT with them. And if you're not as mentally unhinged as I, you could even be tasteful and classy and fall somewhere in the middle.

This recipe makes a lot. I make this much so I can cook some right away, then roll the rest of the dough into little logs and freeze for later. Then it's just a matter of thawing, slicing off rounds and cooking them. If you're not into that, just halve the recipe or be prepared to share them with the neighbours. Or double it and gorge on 120 biscuits yourself!

Blank Canvas Biscuits (Makes approx. 60)

250g butter
1 cup caster sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
3 1/2 cups self raising flour
1 1/2 cups whatever mix ins you choose
 
Preheat oven to 180C. Grease or line biscuit trays with baking paper. Cream the butter, sugars and vanilla together until pale. Add eggs one at a time and beat until combined. Stir in the flour and then bring the dough together with your hands, adding the mix ins at the same time. You can pretty much keep adding more and more mix ins until it just wont take anymore. Load them up!!

Shape the dough into balls with about 1tbs of mixture, or use a cookie scoop (larger melon baller or smaller ice-cream scoop) and place on the trays, allowing room for spreading.
Bake  for 10-12 minutes. Yes they still look pale and raw, but the bottoms should be a little coloured. This is the secret to chewy biscuits. If you like them crispy cook them a few minutes more. Cool on the trays for about 5 minutes, then onto a cooling rack.

Mix in Madness: Try M&Ms, Smarties, macadamia nuts, white chocolate, chocolate chips, boiled lollies, crystallised ginger, pecans, peanuts, sultanas, citrus zest, cinnamon or mixed spices, glace cherries, pistachios, coconut, chunks of fudge, mars bars, chocolate cookies, dried fruit, honeycomb, craisins, mini marshmallows, Maltesers, Skittles, sprinkles, peppermint crisps, mint slice, tim tams, oreos, hundreds and thousands, anything and everything!

Arroz Con Leche (Rice with Milk)

It's like one of those natural built-in instincts the wild creatures succumb to when the cold weather sets in. Some grow thicker fur coats, build up body fat for a long hibernation, stockpile their feed, or migrate miles and miles to a warmer climate. This animal just starts making feverishly fattening, filling, stodgy food - preferably laced with all things cream, butter and spice and that will summon the gods of heavy eyelids and fluffy blankets early on in the evening. It's Autumn now, so learning from the wisdom of mother nature - it must be the time to build up some (more) bodily insulation for Winter.

Now that we've got it all justified, here it is. It's called Arroz Con Leche and I'm told it means "rice with milk". Uh uh, don't run away - I wouldn't dream of suggesting leftover steamed rice with plain old milk! But this - it's Spanish, it's creamy, it's aromatic, it's immoderately moreish, and hopefully it's sounding a little more enticing than 'rice with milk'. Even Google Translate tries to ham it up and tells me it translates as "Rice Pudding".

As with all ancient traditional recipes, there are as many variations of Arroz Con Leche out there as there are abuelas lovingly stirring away at this dessert for their families. Some of those variations are listed below the recipe. So, after much searching and comparing, I've chosen what I think to be the best points from about two dozen recipes and smooshed them all together here. wannabeafoody approved, abuela disapproved.

Probably Improper Arroz Con Leche
(I suggest halving this recipe if you don't have a hoard of people to eat it - it's rich and makes a lot)
Serves 8 - at least

1 cup arborio rice (long grain will work too)
1 cinnamon stick
2 strips of lemon or orange zest (just use a peeler)
2 whole clove or an itty bitty pinch of ground cloves
1/2 vanilla bean
4 cups milk
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 egg yolk
pinch of salt
ground cinnamon and/or grated nutmeg, to serve


Add the rice, cinnamon, zest, cloves and vanilla bean in a large saucepan with the milk and and soak for about an hour. (You can skip this step no problems) Bring to the boil over a medium heat. Reduce heat and simmer on lowest heat setting for around 45 minutes, stirring often.  Add sweetened condensed milk and stir until incorporated. Take off the heat and stir in the egg yolk with the salt. Remove the cloves, cinnamon, zest and vanilla. Sprinkle with the ground cinnamon or nutmeg before serving.

Variations

• Brazilian and Puerto Rican versions use coconut milk in place of regular milk.
• Long grain rice can be used with good results, however short grain will give a creamier texture.
• The milk can be substituted with evaporated milk, cream, or water. Remember to adjust the sugar accordingly, and that the total cooking liquids for the rice still amounts to 4 cups (or more, but no less).
• Raisins or sultanas are often added at the end.
• Rum or brandy can be stirred in at the end.

Crème Brûlée Tart

This little number haunted my dreams and kept me awake last night, teasing me with it's buttery base, velvet vanilla filling and cracked caramel. I found the recipe right before bed time it just wouldn't leave me. Needless to say, this tart found it's way into the kitchen today. It has all the attributes of a good custard tart - which are ridiculously hard to come by - and a crème brûlée. The recipe was originally created by Michael McCarty of Michael's Santa Monica as an interpretation of the french classic crème brûlée and proved to be one of his most popular desserts. The crisp toffee top that makes a hollow 'crack' when tapped with the back of the spoon, releasing the creamy custard, is the gilding on this lily.

If you do not have a food processor - don't be put off by the homemade pastry. Cut the butter up into tiny dice and rub it in with your fingertips to keep it as cold as possible. A blow torch is handy to have for the brûlée, but if you don't have one of these, chill the tart thoroughly before putting under a very hot grill for a few seconds. The dough can me made up to a week beforehand and kept in the fridge, and the whole tart made 1 day ahead without caramelising the sugar.

Crème Brûlée Tart

Pastry:
1 1/4 cups plain flour
2 tabs sugar
1/4 tsp salt
120g cold butter, cut into 8mm cubes
3 to 5 tabs ice water

Custard:
1/2 vanilla bean (or one bean that has been used already)
1 1/4 cups cream
2/3 cup milk
4 egg yolks
1 egg
6 tabs sugar
pinch of salt

Topping:
2 tabs sugar

To make the pastry:  Combine the flour, sugar, salt and butter in a bowl and rub in the butter until it resembles coarse breadcrumbs with some larger chunks. Add 3 tabs of the water and stir in. Grab a handful of the mix and squeeze to see if it will hold together. If not, add 1 tab of water at a time until it holds. Roll out gently, and fold over on itself a couple of times to stretch out the butter. Be careful not to overwork or the pasty will be tough. Shape into a ball, wrap in Gladwrap and press into a 5" disk. Chill for 30mins or until firm. Preheat oven to 180C/350F. Roll out the dough into a 13" circle between 2 layers of Gladwrap or baking paper. Peel off one layer of wrap and fit into a 9" removable base tart pan. Peel off second layer of wrap, fold overhanging pastry back inwards to reinforce the sides, and chill again for 30mins. Lightly prick bottom of shell with a fork, line the pastry with foil or baking paper and fill with pie weights or a thin layer of rice. Cook for 25-30 minutes or until edges are light golden. Remove foil and weights and cook a further 10-15 minutes until golden. Reduce oven to 150C/300F. (Keep an eye on it - it transitions from golden to dark very quickly - as mine did.)

To make the custard: While the pastry is cooking, scrape the seeds from the vanilla bean and add to a heavy based saucepan along with the bean, milk and cream. Heat gently until hot, turn off the heat and steep for 30 minutes. Whisk the yolks, egg, sugar and salt together and add to the cream mixture. Strain and pour into a jug. Put the tart shell, still in its tin, onto a baking tray, and place in the oven. Pour in the custard mix and cook for 30-35 minutes until just set, but still wobbly in the middle. Cool for 30mins and then remove the base and let stand until it reaches room temperature.

Finishing: Immediately before serving, sprinkle sugar over the tart evenly and using a blowtorch, pass the flame backwards and forwards over the sugar is caramelised and lightly colored. Serve on it's own or with some fresh berries and chantilly cream.